How can it be that one moment you can feel like the world and the next you feel like absolute shit? How is it that a man can influence every single emotion that runs through your body at a given time? How is it that I gave my heart away to a boy who is with someone else… someone else who I know doesn’t make him happy and I know I could but he’s with her, and he will be. He won’t just leave what he’s got to start over with me. I can understand who would leave a secured relationship to a new scary experience that has no promises and no bonds. Unlike the one the person is currently in. How is it possible for me to loose all that judgment? I don’t even remember the day it happened the day I really fell for him, hard. Not just a “oh he’s cute thing”. A think about him, Dream about him, actions revolve around him sorta thing. The thing where I know it’s such a long shot, but I can’t just give up and let him go. I can’t just forget without even trying. I feel so helpless and stupid… I know she hates me, she knows she has to if she’s ever seen me look at him I gave it all away just there. She must stay awake and night and hope and pray that he doesn’t leave her. Her prayers must be stronger than mine. I hope she sits in her bed with the phone waiting for him to call, because I do. I hope she looks at herself in the mirror just imagining what she could change to make him think she was beautiful, because I do. I hope she lays awake at night and hopes someday he will love her the way she loves him, because I do. I wish I knew her. Maybe she’s great and obviously she’s somehow better than me, I just wish I knew why. Somehow I always manage to get the timing wrong, I just keep telling my self to get over it and move on because its not helping me its not doing any good its not worth it. I can’t. I’ve spent hours thinking, writing, and trying to find ways to just move on. I fell to fast and now it’s too late, and I really think I’m in love.
Im new, and having a pretty bad day... any advice.